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Christian Leadership Training Course

By J.C. Choate

Lesson 11

The Preacher’s Family

We have been discussing the type of leadership the Lord wants in His church, and we would hope that this would encourage some of you to think seriously about obeying the Lord, becoming a Christian, a member of the church of Christ, and then preparing yourself to be one of those leaders.

It may be that you are interested in preaching. If so, our present studies specifically deal with the preacher, his motives, training, and life. In this study we will think about the preacher’s family.

Many men begin to preach while they are very young. Really, this is the best time to make that decision so that one can prepare himself and get the proper training. Then as he matures, marries, has a family, he is well prepared to do the work he has chosen to do. Before marriage, he may live with his parents while receiving his training, and this will give him security, a place of belonging, and association with his family members who love him and want to encourage him with his work.

Let it be understood that the scriptures do not teach that a preacher is forbidden to marry. Occasionally a preacher decides not to marry, and that is fine, if it is his choice. By choosing to remain single, he can give more time to his work, he will be free to travel, and he will not have to have the kind of monetary needs as a man with a family. Evidently the apostle Paul did not marry and he advised those of his day, because of the difficult times they lived in, that it would be better that they not marry. However, his writings make it clear that if they still felt the need to marry, they should do so (1 Corinthians 7:7-9).

Most preachers do choose to marry and have families, which brings us to another major consideration. Since the preacher is a Christian, and a member of the church of Christ, and plans to spend the rest of his life in the Lord’s work, also he needs to marry a woman who has not been married before (Matthew 19:9), and that woman should also be a Christian, a member of the Lord’s church. He will need all the help and encouragement possible from a companion who is a faithful follower of Christ. To marry one who is not a believer, or to even marry one who is a member of some denominational church, can be disastrous. The Apostle Paul said, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?” (2 Corinthians 6:14,15). It might be argued that the main thing would be for one to be a believer in Christ, and the matter of being a member of the same church would not be much of a problem. But it would be a very great problem, and the best way to avoid it is not to become yoked and united in marriage with a person who does not share your faith and relationship with God.

The next question concerning marriage is, what do you do when you are in an area where the church is small and there are not many young Christian ladies available for marriage? In that case, before entering into marriage, you must choose a young lady who can be taught the truth and converted to the Lord, perhaps along with her family. If this cannot be done with one girl, maybe it can be done with another. If it seems to be impossible to find and convert the right person for a wife, one must decide whether he wants to serve the Lord or to get married. To be married to a woman who is not a member of the Lord’s church can prove to be disastrous to the man who wants to preach the gospel.

But the young man might reason that he will marry and then he will convert his wife. This sounds good and logical, but often times it doesn’t work out according to plan. Certainly one cannot force his wife to obey the gospel and become a member of the Lord’s church. She has a mind of her own and is responsible for her own soul. She must not only be taught, but she must also be given the freedom to make her own decision. Now, what if she refuses to respond? Then you have a real problem if you are already married. The way to avoid such a problem is simply to refuse to marry one who is not a member of Christ’s church in the first place.

Keep in mind that the person one chooses to marry will be a very important factor in regard to his family, his work, and the influence he will have in the area where he lives.

A preacher will want a woman who is united with him in Christ, so that she can be a part of his work. She must be a person he can love and respect, one he will be proud to have as the mother of his children. In the family, the husband will be the one to earn a living and to take care of his wife and children, but the wife will be the one who takes care of the home and the children, keeping the house clean, providing the meals, seeing after the children in times of health and sickness, helping with their character training and their spiritual training. It is important therefore that he choose a wife who will be matched to the man’s own character, capabilities, and dedication.

The home should be a haven for all of the members of the family. It should be a place where Christ is honored, where both the husband and the wife are respected and loved and helped and encouraged. It should be a retreat to return to for strength and reassurance. It should not be a place where fussing and fighting are constantly going on. It should not be merely a place to eat and sleep, and where the family members hardly know each other. Rather, it should be a place for Bible study and prayer, a place of unity, a place of peace and contentment.

Certainly there will be some problems along the way. If a man is developing a Christian home, those problems can be worked out.

The wife should be highly esteemed outside the home also. She should be encouraged to train and prepare herself to teach her children at home and the children in the local congregation the ways of the Lord. She should go with her husband to visit the members and others of the area, especially when he is going to houses where the men are not at home. She should be seen as a helper and a supporter of her husband, a real Christian wife and homemaker who is given to hospitality, helping the sick and needy, and giving herself to good works.

The children should be brought up in the teachings of the Bible, having respect for their parents and being a good influence on other children and young people (Ephesians 6:1-4). When they become young adults they should have been taught and trained in such a way that they too will become Christians.

A preacher should never be mean to his family, and it should never come to the place, because of his actions or the actions of his wife, that separation and divorce take place. If such a thing ever happened, whether or not it was the preacher’s fault, it would be advisable not to continue to preach, because of the negative effect of his example.